Day of Reckoning

I come from a long line of people who have made pharmaceutical companies rich due to their polite negligence of useful medical advice. I admit that I have followed somewhat in suit.

After seeing me for five years, my doctor has become accustomed to setting aside 10 of the 15 allotted minutes of my appointment for my chief complaints. Ten minutes of whining is significant when you consider what a good job my doctor does cutting me off at the pass:

Me: I think I'm going through early menopause.

Doctor: Seriously? You're not even 40.

Me: I've been getting more headaches and some migraines during my period. I'm also getting moodier.

Doctor: What else is new? (She types a prescription for migraines into the computer.)

Aside from the usual whining this year about why I gained an extra five pounds and shrunk another half inch, I expected my annual doctor visit to be unremarkable. As I reported earlier, I'm eating healthier by consuming more vegetables from the cooperative farm. A recent bone density scan showed that the osteopenia in my right hip has resolved, as a probable result of my daily vitamin D supplementation. My blood test results were all within normal limits. My cookie consumption has also decreased by 70% (since I need to account for the extra ice cream).

With such strides, I thought I'd get out of the appointment in ten minutes since it took me half the time to complain. Until my doctor announced:

"You're on the verge of becoming diabetic."

Now imagine a middle-aged white, freckle-faced Jewish mom with a fro sitting wrapped in a napkin gown doing her best Different Strokes' Gary Coleman impression.


Whatcha talking about Willis?




Apparently, my fasting blood sugar numbers have been increasing 20 points per year over the past three years. My blood sugar was also fifteen points away from being considered borderline diabetic. Oh and did I mention that my cholesterol is at 140?

Damn cookies.

After receiving a harangue about how I need to space out my feedings and cut down on the sugar, it's obvious the Trophy Wife Resolution really needs to be taken seriously. My quality of life depends on it.

CPR (Not for Me) , Work Out Video Suggestions Needed and ADHD Part Deux

Last night I took my CPR re-certification class. I have had to use these skills twice in my life. I've performed CPR on an infant, who fortunately lived, while working at a hospital. When I was working at an academic center, I also saved a professor from choking on a jellybean. Simultaneously, I tried to get the professor's poodle's mouth off my leg in the middle of doing the Heimlich. (The professor later gave me a bag of jellybeans as a thank you.) If you have only a few hours to spare to volunteer for anything, CPR is one of those skills I recommend everyone take time to learn.

In other news, I asked the Therapist for her advice about the ADHD suggested diagnosis. I'm lucky to be surrounded by so many shrinks. It saves on health care costs.

Although she reminded me it's out of her scope of practice to diagnosis, she reminded me that we need to examine my life situation. In addition to shlepping kids, my life involves daily juggling and re-prioritizing between consulting gigs and life. For me, work and family life are seamless. My home is my office minus a few hours a week at the fitness center. My kids are always with me minus 1.5 hours in the day. Clients contact me with new deadlines or projects in the middle of the day. While I've been able to manage expectations for the majority of the time, my life is filled with constant interruptions and surprises.

Life is usually interesting.

Either way, the jury is still out on the ADHD. I'll have to ask my Jewish mutha. As the inventor of Jewish Mutha Munchausen's, she's always looking for a new diagnosis to explain my current state of existence.

In better news, Alpha Male realizes I'm taking the Trophy Wife Resolution seriously. He appreciates that dinner has come a long way from my days of cooking chicken in a coffee pot.

He swindled a book store discount for workout videos. Now I won't be able to make the excuse that I need to return the library rentals to avoid late fees. I need to make a decision fast because the offer expires on Friday. Any suggestions for a great workout video? Other than the Jersey Shore's Situation's ab video, any others in that area would be greatly appreciated!