While I typically like to hit the ground running with any new venture, I've gotten off to a painfully slow start this year with the Trophy Wife Resolution. Instead of throwing out all the cookies in the house, I ate them all for lunch yesterday and today. New Year's Day consisted of eating the Jewish American Princess's caramel cake, apple pie and a few cups of ice cream.
Here's the good news: We laughed a lot with the Jewish American Princess and her family catching up on Merry Crapmas. I took a shower this weekend and managed to choke down a calcium / vitamin D pill the past two days.
If I keep this up, I may be able to "earn" my bone density scan in May. (My doctor refused to give it to me last time since I did nothing to improve my skeletal shape.)
I spoke with my Best Pal I Made Gay (Please see Cast of Characters below)tonight to discuss the meaning of life and how we are going to achieve it. I told him about the Trophy Wife Resolution and he asked for my stats. I shared the sordid details: 120 plus pounds, 5'1" and shrinking, fitting 10 pounds of sausage in my 5 pound pants, Blue Lagoon eyebrows, Magilla Gorilla body hair, Pepe Le Pew hairstyle, etc.
The Best Pal I Made Gay gave me brutually honest advice: He told me to throw out all my cookies. I told him I bought a bag on New Year's Eve and I made sure they were all eaten by today. He told me to buy exercise videos. Some are on hold at the library. He told me to get facials every month. I reminded him I've never had a facial in my life.
"People think that Hobbit Frodo Baggins is cute, before he started wearing the ring. What's worse is you're turning into that other Hobbit. It's nice to have Sam-wise's personality, you just don't want to look like him," he said.
Tomorrow school and work starts again. I'll detail my day, what I've accomplished, and why you need to steer clear of some of the GNC multi-vitamin packages.
I'm taking baby steps folks. I'm just using fetus feet.
About Me
- TrophyWifeResolution
- Despite many failed attempts to exercise more, eat better, and take better care of myself, I've decided to make the "Trophy Wife Resolution." Since I am the complete anti-thesis of a trophy wife, let's see if I can rise to the challenge!
First, I want to say in my own defense that I loved all three Lord of the Ring movies and if the house was on fire, they would be the only DVDs I would grab (except the ones I just rented from our overpriced local rental store - I really have to switch to NetFlix). That said, I prefer that the Trophy Wife look like a Gelfling than a Hobbit. If you are too young to know what a Gelfling is go to Google Images and type in G-E-L-F-I-N-G. It shocks me that young people don't know their popular culture history.
ReplyDeleteSecond, Trophy Wife, you need to make some time for yourself to start the transformation. Time outside the house and away from the Scylla of your Internet and the Charybdis of the cookie jar. Let's do something that requires minimal effort - facials. I have found a great place for you and will book your first appointment. Call me with your schedule.
Got rid of the cookies this week. Been going through a few nights of severe withdrawal. Scylla is more difficult to avoid with work, etc. Will update on progress.
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