First Quarter Results Are In...

and they are not looking good.

Poundage: I regained every pound I started this year with plus one this past week.

Teeth: Although my teeth did turn a shade whiter from the Crest White Strips, I still have one strip left in the box. It took me more than 2 months to implement the 2 week teeth whitening, rabies-inducing regimen.

Exercise: The exercise videos have have been quietly collecting dust, as if they are trying to participate in a conspiracy cover-up.

Excuse? I don't have one. I could make something up, but there's really no reason for not getting off my tush.

The first quarter good news is:
1. Even if it's not working for me, the blog seems to be motivating other people. Outside of cyberspace, friends and the Jewish Mutha have filled me in on ways they are taking better care of themselves. The Jewish Mutha even got the referral for her sleep apnea test. She may just get a week with her grandchildren at the Villa Villekula.
2. I've finally found a great skin cream that works wonders. Of course, it comes directly from Iceland's Blue Lagoon. It is worth every penny, especially if you live in a harsh, wintry climate that sucks the moisture and soul out of your skin. It has even replaced the Alpha Male's pet store brand. I highly recommend the Blue Lagoon's Mineral Intensive Cream, which can be found at: Mother's Day is coming up so consider it a worthwhile gift.
3. We are eating healthier foods. Although my food budget has increased significantly, we've made a family decision that we are going to pay for it now with healthy foods instead of later with expensive health care and irreversible chronic illness down the line. Seeing Food Inc. and reading the Omnivore's Dilemma have further convinced me that I just can't eat food that is processed with byproducts from Agent Orange.



4. I have found a new mentor, whose blog I will be featuring shortly.

I'm planning to get back on track with writing and my progress. Now that the weather is getting warmer, the Harvard Valedictorian will be taking me out for more walks. There's also some business about going to Washington, D.C. to run in some race with the Best Friend and Hot Mama.

Thanks for hanging in there and I'll keep you posted!

The Great Teeth Whitening Experiment

Despite five years of headgear, my teeth are slightly better than a British mouth. While I appreciate my parents spending thousands to correct a mouth that appeared to have a closer relationship to a shark than a human, the tectonic plates in my mouth continue to shift.

In addition, my tea-drinking has caught up with my teeth. According to my dentist, Dr. Heavy D (who weighs about 100 pounds), the tanic acid in tea is worse than coffee on your teeth.

Although I don't smoke or drink soda anymore (it leeches calcium from the bones), I believe my cookie habit has wreaked havoc on my dentition. Age hasn't helped either.

After doing some more research on-line and talking with Dr. Heavy D, I decided to try Crest White Strips. According to Dr. Heavy D, MIT researchers developed the teeth whitening strips in the lab and discovered they are more effective than the light treatments for 1/20 the cost. (Personally, I'm surprised Crest never advertised this fact.) Dr. Heavy D, being the honest guy he is, said he doesn't even offer the light teeth whitening treatments anymore because he felt he was ripping off clients when he learned about the new research.

I also discovered the concoctions you paint on your teeth allow too much hydrogen peroxide to pour into your mouth and not enough on the teeth. Tooth pastes and washes won't really make a difference, even if used in combination. Armed with a $7 coupon (you can score deals by signing up for https://www.pgesaver.com/), I figured I'd try the Crest whitening strips for $35.

On day 1, I found the strips relatively easy to put on the teeth. The strips need to stay on the teeth for at least 30 minutes. I was fine for about 5 minutes, until the teeth whitening rabies started.

I started drooling all over the place. I couldn't contain it. Alpha Male thought I was having a stroke.

"What's wrong with you Mom? Are you OK?," Hermione Granger asked. I couldn't talk because I wanted to make sure the strips stayed on my teeth.

I grabbed the box and opened my drooled filled mouth. Alpha Male shook his head and hid behind the Economist.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes!