My Belated April Fool's Joke on the Alpha Male

Since I couldn't get my act together on April's Fools Day, here was the best prank I could muster up for the Alpha Male.

'The Economist' To Halt Production For Month To Let Readers Catch Up

(Click on title of blog post for article access.)

I need to get some new jokes.

In other news, many apologies for not writing more. I will be providing several status updates within the next two weeks.

The Great Teeth Whitening Experiment

Despite five years of headgear, my teeth are slightly better than a British mouth. While I appreciate my parents spending thousands to correct a mouth that appeared to have a closer relationship to a shark than a human, the tectonic plates in my mouth continue to shift.

In addition, my tea-drinking has caught up with my teeth. According to my dentist, Dr. Heavy D (who weighs about 100 pounds), the tanic acid in tea is worse than coffee on your teeth.

Although I don't smoke or drink soda anymore (it leeches calcium from the bones), I believe my cookie habit has wreaked havoc on my dentition. Age hasn't helped either.

After doing some more research on-line and talking with Dr. Heavy D, I decided to try Crest White Strips. According to Dr. Heavy D, MIT researchers developed the teeth whitening strips in the lab and discovered they are more effective than the light treatments for 1/20 the cost. (Personally, I'm surprised Crest never advertised this fact.) Dr. Heavy D, being the honest guy he is, said he doesn't even offer the light teeth whitening treatments anymore because he felt he was ripping off clients when he learned about the new research.

I also discovered the concoctions you paint on your teeth allow too much hydrogen peroxide to pour into your mouth and not enough on the teeth. Tooth pastes and washes won't really make a difference, even if used in combination. Armed with a $7 coupon (you can score deals by signing up for https://www.pgesaver.com/), I figured I'd try the Crest whitening strips for $35.

On day 1, I found the strips relatively easy to put on the teeth. The strips need to stay on the teeth for at least 30 minutes. I was fine for about 5 minutes, until the teeth whitening rabies started.

I started drooling all over the place. I couldn't contain it. Alpha Male thought I was having a stroke.

"What's wrong with you Mom? Are you OK?," Hermione Granger asked. I couldn't talk because I wanted to make sure the strips stayed on my teeth.

I grabbed the box and opened my drooled filled mouth. Alpha Male shook his head and hid behind the Economist.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes!